


His Sammy

by darkroses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cutting, Dolls, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Protective Sam Winchester, Rape, Self-Harm, Sick Dean Winchester, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:41:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2643725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkroses/pseuds/darkroses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's life is lived in motels taking care of Sammy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Sammy

Dean didn’t know much or at least that is what they told him. He knew he was a hero once when he was four years old. He rescued Sammy from a fire. He protected Sammy after that. It was his only job. Dean knew his daddy didn’t have time to take care of Sammy. Dean knew his daddy had other concerns. His mommy died in the fire, but it was okay. He saved Sammy and his daddy was going to catch the demon who killed his mommy.

Dean did what he could. He changed Sammy and fed him. He put Sammy to bed and hummed _Hey Jude_ to him just like his mommy did. He would read to Sammy and play Legos or army men with Sammy. Dean made sure he always won the games though, because that is what big brothers do.

Then his daddy started being away a lot. His daddy would leave him in a motel room with Sammy but he would always come and visit. Every couple weeks, Dean knew his daddy would come check on him. His daddy would come make sure everything was okay with him and Sammy. Because that is what Daddy’s do.

When his daddy is away, Dean has to talk to Pastor Jim a lot. Pastor Jim always asks him weird questions like what if Sammy left or what if Sammy grew up. Dean didn’t understand. Sammy was his baby brother. Sammy would always be his baby. Sammy would never grow up and leave him. That is just not how this worked.

++

Dean was ten and in a motel with Sammy while his daddy was away. Pastor Jim came to talk to Dean, like he did most days. Dean wondered why Pastor Jim would travel around to see him in all these different places but he didn’t ask. He knew that Pastor Jim would have some adult reason he didn’t understand.

Pastor Jim sat down in the chair in his room and smiled at Dean. So Dean smiled back as he held Sammy in his arms. Pastor Jim was always calm and nice when he spoke, “Dean, how are you feeling today?”

Dean tilted his head at Pastor Jim, he didn’t understand why he always asked that. It made Dean frown sometimes, like today. His voice was quiet when he spoke, because he didn’t want to wake Sammy. “Sad, I miss my daddy.”

Pastor Jim nodded and Dean knew he understood. Pastor Jim always understood. “I know, Dean, but your dad should be here next week for visitation.” Dean nodded and he swung his feet out with excitement. He couldn’t wait to see his daddy. “How is Sammy doing?”

Dean looked down at his little baby brother and smiled before looking back at Pastor Jim. “Sammy is sleeping. He was fussy last night. I had to hum 3 times to get him to go to sleep.”

Pastor Jim nodded again and said, “You are very kind to Sammy.” The pastor leaned forward and asked, “Dean, do you want to talk about the night of the fire?”

Dean shook his head adamantly and said, “No, I saved Sammy and Daddy is going to find who killed Mommy.”

++

When Dean got bigger sometimes a man named Bobby would come get him from his motel room he shared with Sammy. Dean would send Sammy to school when Bobby came. He wanted Sammy to be smart even if he was just a baby. Bobby was nice to Dean. He would play catch in the field outside the motel. They would talk about comic books and cars. Dean liked having someone to talk to about cars. He knew Sammy didn’t care about cars so it was nice to have Bobby to talk to.

Sometimes, the people at the motel gave Bobby a special pass for Dean. Bobby got to take Dean on a drive in fast car. Then they would spend the afternoon in a shop while Bobby taught him how to work on the cars. Dean liked working on cars and it always made him sad when he had to go back to the motel, but at least Sammy was there.

When Dean was 16, Bobby started asking strange questions. His voice was always gruff and caring. “Dean, are you happy?”

Dean blinked at that a couple time from where he was working. He smiled and said tentatively, “Yes, I am. Sammy and I are doing great.”

Bobby gave a small smile and said quietly, “I know you are but have you given any thought to letting Sammy go and just living your own life?”

Dean didn’t understand that question and it was the first time he felt himself get angry. “Leave Sammy? Why would I leave Sammy?” He shouted. “Sammy is all I have.”

++

When Dean was 18 the motel changed again, which he didn’t mind. He knew his daddy moved around a lot. Dean heard his daddy arguing with the motel staff about him being able to keep Sammy with him. He didn’t know why they would want to take Sammy away from him. He always did a good job taking care of Sammy.

He was relieved when the motel said Sammy could stay. He didn’t understand what they had against little brothers. Dean got Sammy settled into their new room and his daddy watched. After Sammy was settled, Dean sat down on the bed and watched his father.

His daddy spoke, “You know, I love you, Dean.”

Dean looked up at his daddy with the admiration he always had. “I know Daddy. I love you too.”

His daddy looked sad and he didn’t understand why his daddy was so sad. Dean watched as his daddy sat down next to him and said quietly, “I hate having to put you in places like this.”

Dean nodded because he understood or at least he thought he understood. “I know Daddy. You have important work to do. You have to catch the demon who killed Mommy.”

His daddy just looked sadder though and he frowned at Sammy. Dean didn’t like it when his daddy frowned at Sammy. It wasn’t right to be mean to a baby like that but Dean didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to get in between the fights his daddy had with Sammy.

His daddy took a deep breath and said, “Dean, I have something to tell you and I know I have tried telling you this before.” Dean nodded but was confused. “I got remarried. My wife’s name is Kate. We have a son together, Adam.”

Dean scrunched up his brow because how was this helping catch who killed his mommy. “What about Mommy?”

His daddy sighed, “We are still looking for the man who killed your mom.” His daddy paused which was odd. Then his daddy had tears in his eyes. His daddy said something else which he couldn’t quite make out because Sammy started crying.

++

When Dean was 22 a strange man started to come visit him in the motel. This man had shaggy brown hair and he said his name was Sam. He didn’t seem like Sammy though and Sam always got sad whenever Dean talked about Sammy. Dean didn’t understand that.

Dean was sitting on his bed rocking Sammy as the man talked. The man seemed stressed and he was telling Dean his life story as if would somehow help. Dean didn’t understand but he listened to the strange man’s words. “Dean, I am so sorry Dad left you in a place like this. I had no idea.”

Dean shook his head at Sam’s words and said quietly, “Daddy had too. He had to catch who killed Mommy.”

Sam frowned and said, “Dean, you’re my brother and I hate to see you like this. I don’t want to leave you here but Dad is your guardian so I can’t take you with me. I want you to know I will come see you as often as I can.”

Dean didn’t understand why Sam was telling him this. It didn’t matter to him so he happily replied, “As long as I have Sammy, I will be okay.” Dean paused and added, “But you’re not my brother. Sammy is my brother.”

Sam nodded and Dean thought Sam was crying which was weird.

++

When Dean was 28. He was taken from the motel room and put someplace dark. He didn’t understand and Sammy was taken away. He didn’t know why they would take Sammy away. Now Dean had to talk to a new man every day and this new man tied him down. The new man hit Dean when he didn’t listen or obey.

Dean didn’t understand. He just wanted Sammy back. The man’s name was Alastair. He liked to cut Dean with a razor then tell Dean he was bad. He would cut him and touch him in ways he didn’t like. Sometimes Dean would cry out, but Alastair just gagged him.

Overtime, Dean learnt that Alastair liked watching him bleed. He learnt that if he made himself bleed for Alastair while Alastair touched him. He wouldn’t have to be tied up during the day. He would only have to be tied up at night. Alastair said it took Dean 30 years to start being a good boy.  Dean was glad Sammy wasn’t here with Alastair.

Dean was happy that he was a good boy. It felt like he had been a good boy for 10 years now. He liked cutting himself as Alastair touched him. Alastair was touching Dean in between his legs. He was putting fingers inside of Dean. Dean didn’t like that much, but he wanted to be a good boy for Alastair. He felt Alastair start pushing something inside of him with his hips. Dean closed his eyes when Alastair did this and he dropped the knife by mistake.

He listened to Alastair’s words, “You are such a good boy, Dean. Making yourself bleed for me. You know no one cares about you but me. No one, Dean. Your daddy left you here to die. Your brothers think you’re a whack job. Your mommy burned to a crisp by a madman.” Then Alastair got meaner, “Sammy hates you, Dean.”

Dean started crying as Alastair thrust in and out of him. Even after all these years, it still hurt to think that Sammy could hate him. Alastair was getting close to putting the warm stuff inside of Dean when he heard a shriek and a motel resident yell, “Alastair is hurting Dean!”

Then everything was a blur for Dean. He saw two of the police men pull Alastair off of him. Then a couple maids helped him get dressed and covered up his cuts. Dean knew he was bad. He must have made too much noise and now he was going to get tied down again all the time like Alastair said. Dean snuffled as the maids bandaged him, “I’m sorry.” Dean said. “I’m bad.”

The maid was nice and looked at Dean with sad eyes. “Dean, you’re not bad. He’s the one that was bad.”

Dean shook his head no and stammered out. “I’m bad.. Took Sammy away.”

The maid nodded at Dean again and said softly. “Dean, I will call your brother. Sam hasn’t been visiting because Dr. Alastair said you didn’t want to see him and wouldn’t let him come.”

Dean cried and said, “No, I love Sammy. Never wanted Sammy to leave.”

The other maid said quietly, “Dean, how long has Dr. Alastair been hurting you?”

Dean looked away and thought. His lip trembled and he said, “When Sammy was taken away.”

The other maid said, “Your baby doll or the last time the tall man named Sam visited?”

Dean shook his head, “My baby. Sammy is my baby brother. Alastair took him away.”       

The first nurse said quietly, “It’s been going on for about 4 months then.”

++

The maids took Dean to a white room and told him to wait. They brought Sammy to him and he was happy. He missed Sammy so much. It was nice to have Sammy back in his arms.

Dean was enjoying having Sammy back when the weird man named Sam came in. He was wearing a suit and looked stressed. Sam touched him on the arms and was searching over Dean’s body for something. It made Dean nervous so he just clutched Sammy closer.

Sam was worried when he spoke, “Jesus Dean, you’ve been cut to Hell. I am so sorry. Are you okay?”

Dean nodded and said quietly, “I have Sammy back. Everything is okay now.”

Sam nodded and started crying. Dean didn’t understand. Sam held Dean’s forehead to his for a moment as he cried. Dean was even more confused. Then Sam pulled back and wiped the tears from his face. The weird man gave Dean a fake smile and stood up. He said adamantly, “It’s okay Dean. I am going to take you home.”

++

Sam took Dean to a house which was different. Dean hadn’t been in a house since his mother died. He had always lived in motels. Sam gave Dean his own room in the house for him and Sammy.

After Dean got Sammy settled in the bed. He started unpacking their things and Dean saw a photo album. Dean picked it up and on the front of it the album said “Sammy, May 2nd 1983.” Dean smiled when he realized this must be Sammy’s photo album. He wondered why Sam had it.

Dean sat down on the bed next to Sammy and started looking at the pictures. He saw Daddy, Mommy, and Sammy in pictures with him for the first few pages. Then he saw an obituary for his mommy. That made him sad. Then Dean saw a few more pictures of him with Sammy. But Dean noticed that as Sammy got bigger he wasn’t in the pictures anymore. He saw a bigger Sammy playing soccer and putting on a play. He saw Sammy laughing.

Then he saw Sammy graduating high school. Then he saw an adult Sammy with him at the motel. He saw Sammy graduating college. Then he saw another obituary for his daddy. Finally Dean saw a picture of Sammy smiling.

That was when Dean’s heart sank. He got up and walked out of his room. He found Sam in the kitchen doing something. He wasn’t sure what. Dean put the photo album down on the counter and asked in a shaky voice, “You are Sammy aren’t you?”

Sam turned around and smiled at Dean. It looked like Sam was going to cry again. “Yeah Dean, I am. I’m your baby brother.”

Dean scratched the back of his head and said awkwardly, “You got tall.” He paused and added, “But I still want to keep my baby doll.”

Sam nodded and said quietly, “Of course, I would never take him away from you.”


End file.
